Is it possible to have EQ the “Goldilocks” way: not too much, not too little, but just right?
In the EQ-i2.0 model of Emotional Intelligence, Self-Regard is the ability and the tendency for you–in full light of both your positive and negative qualities—to both like and have confidence in yourself.
Low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence show up physically through averted eye-contact, slumped shoulders or a physically diminished posture, a low, mumbling tone—or perhaps the lack of anything to say at all.
The arrogance and over-confidence associated with excessive Self-Regard is often telegraphed through looking down the bridge of the nose at others, walking, shoulders up and chest out, with a swagger, talking past and interrupting others, and frequently bending the conversation back to him or herself.
The beauty of the EQ-i as a coaching tool is it allows for such clear handles on these behaviors—what do you do and practice if you are trying to step more effectively into Self-Regard? How do you do you get Self-Regard “just right?”
10 Coachable Actions for “Just Right” Self-Regard:
- Wear well-fitting clothes that are clean, pressed and appropriate to the event or setting
- Sit up straight—back straight and shoulders back
- Align yourself physically so you are facing the person or group you are addressing
- Introduce yourself to people in the group you do not know, looking them in the eye, sharing your name, asking for theirs, and shaking their hands
- When shaking hands, be gentle, and apply as much pressure—no more and no less–as he/she is applying to yours
- Make a statement or share an idea or opinion at least once in the course of the conversation (consider stating your honest agreement with someone or even rehearsing a personal statement before the meeting if the idea of making such a public pronouncement sounds daunting)—and make sure that everyone in the group hears you
- Maintain eye contact with whomever is speaking
- Ask for others’ opinions and ideas, repeat them to ensure your understanding
- Admit you don’t know something when you do not