Goldilocks, Coaching and EQ Series—Volume 1: Self-Regard

Is it possible to have EQ the “Goldilocks” way:  not too much, not too little, but just right?

In the EQ-i2.0 model of Emotional Intelligence, Self-Regard is the ability and the tendency for you–in full light of both your positive and negative qualities—to both like and have confidence in yourself.


Click here for video introduction to Self-Regard









Low Self-Regard

Moderate Self-Regard

High Self-Regard

Could lack skills & development or infrequently or selectively use this EQ element, looking like: Tend to engage with this element about as intensely, as frequently and as well as most people do Could have enhanced development and may at times overdo or misapply this skill set, looking like:
Low self-esteem Arrogance
Lack of self-confidence Conceit and narcissism
Feelings of inferiority and insecurity Over-confidence


Low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence show up physically through averted eye-contact, slumped shoulders or a physically diminished posture, a low, mumbling tone—or perhaps the lack of anything to say at all.

The arrogance and over-confidence associated with excessive Self-Regard is often telegraphed through looking down the bridge of the nose at others, walking, shoulders up and chest out, with a swagger, talking past and interrupting others, and frequently bending the conversation back to him or herself.

The beauty of the EQ-i as a coaching tool is it allows for such clear handles on these behaviors—what do you do and practice if you are trying to step more effectively into Self-Regard? How do you do you get Self-Regard “just right?”

10 Coachable Actions for “Just Right” Self-Regard:

  1. Wear well-fitting clothes that are clean, pressed and appropriate to the event or setting
  2. Sit up straight—back straight and shoulders back
  3. Align yourself physically so you are facing the person or group you are addressing
  4. Introduce yourself to people in the group you do not know, looking them in the eye, sharing your name, asking for theirs, and shaking their hands
  5. When shaking hands, be gentle, and apply as much pressure—no more and no less–as he/she is applying to yours
  6. Make a statement or share an idea or opinion at least once in the course of the conversation (consider stating your honest agreement with someone or even rehearsing a personal statement before the meeting if the idea of making such a public pronouncement sounds daunting)—and make sure that everyone in the group hears you
  7. Maintain eye contact with whomever is speaking
  8. Smile
  9. Ask for others’ opinions and ideas, repeat them to ensure your understanding
  10. Admit you don’t know something when you do not

Click EQ-i image to learn more about OKA’s EQ-i Certification Training

Hile Rutledge has been selected to deliver Goldilocks, EQ and Physical Coaching at the 11th Annual Capital Coaches’ Conference (CCC) being held June 5, 2014 at the Fairview Park Marriott in Fairfax VA. This experiential session explores the physical manifestations of EQ and how to use these insights in coaching—practically and quickly.

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