Intimacy and the Feeling Functions–An Otto Kroeger Remembrance
Extraverted Feeling is an external force of judgment, order and control based on human-centered, personally held values. Extraverted Feeling is a function that tends to build personal bridges and networks, include and seek to be included (where values align), harmonize and actively work to make the world safe for the values held dear. While they will likely be smooth in so doing, dominant function extraverted Feelers (ENFJ and ESFJ) will let you know about these values and actively sell you on adopting them yourself.
Otto Kroeger, an extraverted Feeler (ENFJ), always loved a good party. He actually even preferred bad parties to being alone, but his being involved with the gathering ensured that there would be jokes, laughter, introductions, stories—a web of warmth and social connection. When we lived close to each other, it was rare that a Friday night (and quite a few weeknights in between the Fridays) did not find Otto at a party. Frequently Otto would invite me to these parties, and while I appreciated his invitations, rarely did I go. If he had asked me to go somewhere just with him—dinner, a trip, even a movie—I certainly would have gone more often. I am an INFP.
The dominant function of INFP is introverted Feeling, an internal force of order, structure and control—all based on unspoken but deeply felt values and beliefs. Introverted Feeling is an inner drive toward alignment, an inner hum of harmony and connection to the values that buoy life. While they will rarely tell you directly, dominant function introverted Feelers (INFP and ISFP) most often believe that these all-important values should govern your life as well.
I wanted a connection to Otto, my mentor, and to me that felt like quiet, private time with just the two of us. Maybe he would even share something personal and heartfelt. It turns out that Otto often wanted a connection to me, his protégé, and to him that meant my being active within his network, there at the parties, laughing and socializing—harmoniously connected to him through everyone. To this introverted Feeler, extraverted Feeling seemed too often glad-handing and shallow while to the extraverted Feeler, my introverted Feeling was too intense, withdrawn and hard to get to know.
The last MBTI Certification workshop that Otto and I delivered together ended with Otto’s announcing to the class that he loved me, a revelation that meant the world to me. I had written him an intricately composed letter that he had not yet read that contained the same sentiment. I would never have dreamt of saying such a thing in front of crowd, but Otto would not have told me without the crowd. It would have meant so much less.Tags: #Hile, #Type, extraverted feeling, Feeling, Feeling function, introverted feeling, MBTI, Myers-Briggs, Otto, Otto Kroeger